When I Realized That I'm Wretched.

In August 19th 2005, heading to the state fair, I was involved in a rollover in my truck on the interstate going 70 mph. Fortunately my vehicle was the only one involved, unfortunately, however, I was severely injured. I had severe and deep lacerations on my scalp, and a fractured vertebrae in my neck. Some people would call that a broken neck.

During the recovery time, I spent a lot of it thinking and reflecting back on my life. For a good portion of my life before then, I had gone to church, even regularly on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights during college. If you were to see me outside of church, you would had seen someone deep into sins, trying to please the flesh, making jokes and comments filled with blasphemy, etc... During my time of recovery I had a chance to listen to my conscience. I dusted off a Bible and started reading, but that didn't really do anything for me,. It was like I was reading for the sake of reading.

On, October 18th 2005, after watching the third "Left-Behind" movie, I was looking through some of the extra content on the DVD. On it was an episode of "The Way of The Master," a Christian TV show that teaches Christians how to share their faith biblically and effectively, the way Jesus did. The show was hosted by Kirk Cameron (star of the movie I was just watching) and author/evangelist Ray Comfort.

While watching it, they quoted Charles Spurgeon, the prince of preachers, who said "Have you no wish for others to be saved? Then you are not saved yourself, be sure of that?" At that time I did consider myself to be a Christian and saved, but after hearing that quote, and the authority behind its words, I began to wonder if I was saved or not, because my evangelistic efforts up to that point were... well there were none.

What happened next I had never seen before. They were witnessing to real people out on the streets. While watching the conversations unfold, they were asking one random person off the street some questions. As I was listening to these questions, I would answer them to myself.

The first question was "Do you consider yourself to be a good person?" I clearly thought that I was, but my understanding of the word "good" was quickly changed as the questions followed. The next question after that was, "Do you think you would go to Heaven or Hell when you die?" Obviously thinking that I was a good person I thought I was going to go to Heaven. My understanding of that would soon be changed as well.

The next set of questions brought me face to face with the mirror of God's moral law, The Ten Commandments. Have you ever told a lie? Of course I had. That makes me a liar. Have you ever stolen anything? Yes, just small things though. That makes me a thief. Have you ever used God's name in vain, like a 4 letter filth word to express disgust? More times that I can count. That makes me a blasphemer. The last question that was asked was, "Jesus said that if you look at a woman to lust after her, then you have committed adultery in your heart, have you ever done that?" I would do that countless times a day, I was definitely guilty of that as well.

After that set of questions, was this question, "If you were to die right now, and God judges you, would you be innocent or guilty? Do you think you'd go to Heaven or Hell?" This was when the light bulb turned on. I had just admitted to being a lying, thief, and a blasphemous adulterer at heart. There were six more commandments that we did not go through that I know I had broken as well. I knew I was guilty, my conscience screamed the word "guilty" at me. Knowing how good God is, He would have to send me to Hell. He punishes sin where ever it is found. Then, thinking back to that car accident, when I should had died, I know now that if I had died, I would be in Hell right now. I was literally in the flames, when God pulled me out of the fire.

At that realization, I immediately feel to my knees, crying my eyes out for hours, pleading with God to forgive me for sinning against Him. It was then that I finally repented of my sins, and put my faith in Christ alone for my salvation. Everyday I look in the mirror, I can see and touch the scars on my head. They are a constant reminder to me of how close I was to suffering God's wrath, and how fortunate I am that God has shown me mercy and grace, that has saved a wretch like me.

I wish that no one would ever have to get as close to the flames as I did before they turn to Christ, but know for some people it is necessary. God, thank You for saving me, the wretched sinner that I am. Amen.

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